OT - Story Opinions & Mood board

It's Friday and am working on my leftover storyboards and moodboards. I'm left with 1.5 week to interim on Thursday. Wish me luck.

Oh.. I mentioned about sending over my storyboard to Amanda and she replied. For a summary, instead of having his character being bad and showing regret over what he did while walking through the dream, and waking up in the hospital, i should have the character looking for hope and searching in his dream for some life and in the end, he felt like he is in a lost of hope when the children he sees at the playground was only an illusion, (knowing after he tried to approach them, they dissapeared) which made an impression of pity and that the character deserve to be save. And thats when he gain concious from his dreams. hm..

I paste Amanda's message below. For ref. Hm..

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Hi Hanis,

I'm glad my suggestions were helpful. ;) I've just taken a peek at your boards. I like the drawings - very nice job! :) Some questions and thoughts...

As for your story, I find the ending a little confusing. Was he dreaming all the time he was walking and recalling his past? If he had been trapped under the rubble for some time, he'd probably be really tired, hungry and weak - his 1st instinct would be to look for signs of survival, food and living civilisation. Shouldn't he be really happy to see the boy? My thoughts bout the boy are - if this was really a "dead" town, the boy could be out to play/scavenging for useful items to bring home and is wary of people. Your guy would be really happy to see him and would want to approach him for help. Instead the boy gets fearful and flees, leaving your guy in the lurch.

Because your character seems strong enough to hold up for so long, it almost feels likes he's dead/ or zombie like. For now, the only softness to him is through his memories.

Honestly, I think your story is really quite long as well and I'm afraid you might not get to finish it. It does get a little draggy too - coz the beginning is rather short and we see a whole length of his memories/walk - there's no climax and when it does end, it doesn't feel very exciting. Think of what the key moments are. I'm going to suggest a cut short to your story here - I'd like to suggest that we see perhaps one of his memories whilst he was in the rubble - he's about to give up hope, but he remembers something (a loved one perhaps) and that keeps him from wanting to give up. He struggles and finds a way out, he finally makes his way to sunlight, but loses hope as he realises it's empty and deserted. He goes a little way (not too long pls) sees the boy and we think it's another glimmer of hope. But the boy deserts him as well due to fear and once again he feels lost. In despair, he slumps down in weakness and starts daydreaming/hallucinating. He dreams of going home - he's stronger in his dream, so it makes sense that he's so mobile. The home could be empty and he comes across belongings and sees the photoframe, cries and to dramatise it, you could have his memories fading - he's losing consciousness and he sees blurred images of some ppl and the boy (who's come back with ppl to check him out). Your ending could come into play. He's survived the ordeal and is grateful. What I'm trying to suggest is, you need to have climaxes - he needs hope, but everytime there's hope, it disappears (making the audience symphatise with him and finally at the end, when he's really losing hope, something good happens to save him and we as an audience will feel that he deserves to be saved.

I know that's a lot for you to think about. But please remember, if it's already taking you so long to board, it would take you longer to animate a clear story. Keep it concise and to the point because you need to factor in the animation, coloring and miscellaneous production processes. You might like to check out Lecturer Mathias Heng's (from VSC) photos. He documented the Padang earthquake recently. http://www.mathiasheng.com/padangearthquake.htm

Hope all this helps! All the best to your interim 1! Let me know how it goes. :) Btw, I read that you visited the hospital, is everything alright? Please take care.

Best regards,
Amanda